Emotional imbalance

On Friday when waiting outside the judge’s chambers, inside the empty courthouse and even inside the judge’s chambers for the ruling, I was as solid as a rock! Nothing was going to rock me. It wasn’t as though I had hardened my heart to emotions, it was possibly more like I had turned the tap off, just not allowing any of them to come out until I released that pressure valve.

Towards the end of the ruling (which went on for quite a while), Dan did reach for my hand a few times, what? This guy was getting more emotional than me! And what about Myron? Well… he was playing with the curtain cord, pretending it was his ‘shoulder bag’.

I kept this stone barricade up for the whole ruling. Even during most of the drive home. I did send a few text messages to close friends who had been asking about the ruling and wanting an update. Their replies to me were way more emotional than my own emotions (well seemingly anyway).

This was the first one that started it all:

My friend’s tearing up? Why are they crying before me? What’s wrong with me! Then… my tears slowly start to come.

When my friends responded with messages of congratulations, and also letting out their emotions, it was the beginning of the release of mine. Here’s one that certainly helped 🙂  

Accompanied by a gorgeous pic of my friend with her mascara all messed up 🙂

Here’s another:

Yesterday (Saturday) was another work day for us: I was teaching at the college in the morning. I didn’t feel on top of my game (had to stay up late completing lesson plans that got away from me); and had a disappointing encounter with someone in the morning. I managed to make it to the afternoon, thankfully Myron was also pretty knackered and had a sleep, and that was the catalyst for releasing that pressure valve and opening that emotional tap. I sat and cried for over an hour. What a release!
I think, after all, I am human (lol). But feeling tremendously blessed and grateful to have Myron – such an incredible little boy – officially in our family. And so relieved to have reached this step in the process and be on the other side of the Ugandan paperwork.